Social distancing is a lot more difficult when your primary virtual connection to the world is also cut off.
I guess what I'm saying is, if ever you find yourself in the midst of a word wide pandemic, try to make sure you have a reliable cell phone. I haven't had a phone for about 5 days now, and part of me would like to say it hasn't bothered me. But, really I just wish it didn't bother me so much. I've found some ways to contact a few friends and my parents, but overall, that isolated feeling we're all feeling...I'm feeling it even more. I'll admit it, I am addicted to my phone and my apps. By the time this is over, and I get my new phone, if I can figure out how to set it up on my own, it will be about a week that I have had NO mobile device. My goals with this are to realize that if I lived without it, I can live without it. I'm considering paring down on my "essential" apps and really working hard to put the phone down and live more. Part of this entire pandemic quarantine situation is supposed to be looking on the bright side and making some positive changes that will stay with us. This is one of my positive changes that I really hope will stick.
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Again tonight I found myself sitting on the little white wooden stool across from the toilet, holding a device that played an episode of Sesame Street, discussing poop for far too long.
Today was our first ZERO accident day since starting potty training 7 days ago. We're far from perfect, but it's a relief to have made it this far. A couple weeks ago, at my school's family fun night, we were the proud winners of the train themed raffle basket. There was a gift certificate to the train diner, Thomas the train stickers and coloring book, a light up musical bubble train, 2 trains for our train table, a train Lego set, and a few other train items.
The Lego set was labeled 6+ which meant that for our 2 year old, we wouldn't be sitting it in front of him and saying, "have at it!" So today when he spotted it on the counter and wanted to play, my husband sat down with him and helped him assemble the train. From the other room I heard, "Let's do it again!" So by the time I came to see it was disassembled once again. I took over supervising so my husband could do some other things, and I was blown away watching his concentration, his dexterity, his creativity. We often play with the big Lego Duplo blocks, but I've never seen him play with these tiny intricate pieces with such success. Granted, he was not building what the set intended, but far better, was building something from his imagination. I watched his little hands move with purpose, his bottom lip stick just a little further out, which happens when he's very focused, and his dark eyelashes turn down, looking at the pieces on the table. Piece after piece he put them together, "This is the eye." "This goes here." "Oh, where's that little one?" I watched and listened in awe. "If you need help, you need help!" he turned to me and said. "Of course, baby! Do you need some help?" "Nope. If you need help, you need help. I made that up." He responded as he drove his creation over the table. "It's a tugboat!" He explained. If you need help, you need help... a good reminder. Today I spent over and hour and a half on the phone with a representative from AT&T who was working out of Mexico City.
When I woke up this morning I actually had a mild panic that the apocalypse was here because my wifi and apps wouldn't open, but then my phone officially died. For hours it stood still on the black screen with the white apple illuminated in the center. I tried plugging it in, keeping it unplugged, resetting it, turning it off and on. The results were the same every time. So now I know a whole lot about my friend in Mexico City, his wife and children, the state of health in the area, and there is a new iPhone coming my way tomorrow. It was by all appearances a waste of precious minutes of my day, but I'm looking for the silver lining, this human connection. Today I am thankful.
I’m thankful for the neighbor that I don’t know, who stayed on her side of the street, but commented, “At least we can do this!” which is exactly what I was thinking about my walk around the block with the baby in the stroller. This morning after feeding my daughter, my son climbed up in the chair with us and said “Rock us, Mama. Your two babies.” And even though it was only for about 75 seconds, my goodness did I soak that up. I am so very thankful. Things are wild and weird. My mom texted earlier that, though the circumstances are awful, she was glad I was getting time home with my family. Truth is, lately I’ve been feeling very disconnected from my family. I’ve felt distant and overwhelmed and busy since I went back to work from maternity leave. I’ve felt pretty much like I don’t know my children, that someone else is raising them and my hour a night before they’re in bed is so hectic I don’t even enjoy it. I’ve been dreading my husband starting coaching the track season, knowing even more of the nights and weekends would be me doing all of this alone. This forced break, making time almost stand still, feels foreign and bizarre, but in some ways it feels good. I’m relearning my kids’ silly little mannerisms. Memorizing their faces in this season. I know if I don’t take it all in, I’ll end up missing this. I’m thankful in this moment for perspective, and slowness, and open windows. Praise the parent who works from home often with kids around.
Today I was home with both kids while my husband went to work, and needed to be on my computer to communicate with students at the same time. Mass chaos would be an understatement. As soon as my husband got home, Kellan ratted me out and yelled to him, “Daddy!! Mama made a mistake and made a big mess and I cleaned it up!” What he was referring to was the “mistake” I made when trying to fill my water glass and heard “I have to pee, Mama!” I rushed away from the kitchen to get him on the potty, but forgot to turn off the water that was trickling above the counter from the filter tap into my glass. When I returned, who knows how much later, I initially only saw a small puddle and was ready to lay into the dog. Then I realized the entire kitchen floor was flooded. I grabbed a bunch of towels and Kellan grabbed a wash cloth to help. “You’re welcome for helping, Mama.” He repeated over and over so I would keep thanking him. What a day! After the kids’ bed time I just needed a moment to wash the day off of myself.
I took a long, hot shower without the baby monitor. It was a few minutes just for me. Silence. And now all the “noise” is back and I’m sitting at my computer trying to decide what to even say on our Google Classroom. During the school closing and social distancing and having to be at home most of the time anyway, we decided to potty train our 2 year old.
It’s been a while coming, we almost tried a few months ago, and he’s been pretty consistently inconsistent about going anyway. So today the potty watch and real underpants came out. A friend is letting us borrow this potty watch, a watch shaped like a potty that sings a song and flashes lights at regular intervals to remind you it’s time to go. Of course Kellan was super excited about it for about 30 minutes. Then by the next round he insisted I wear it instead. So for the remainder of the day, every 30 minutes, the tiny toilet on my arm would remind me to heard him to the potty. We had 9 successful trips, 2 accidents, 1 toy in the potty, 3 unnecessary flushes, and lots and lots of patience. I wonder if my students will look back on this day, this time period, and say things like, “Where were you when the world shut down?”
Will they reminisce about an extra long spring break, uneventful in the end? Will they remember the panic of some, clearing shelves at stores and buying out Amazon’s entire stock of toilet paper? Will they say, “I still remember when Mrs. Keasler sat on top of the table in the front of the classroom, like she always did when she made announcements, and told us the news.”? Is it wishful thinking to hope that the long term outcome of this is to think, “Well it was better to be safe than sorry!”? How much worse will it get before it gets better? I’m so glad to have the next 3 weeks to be home with my babies, I just wish my brain would relax enough to let me enjoy it. My poor 2 year old was insistent that I lay with him tonight. He kept saying, “Don’t leave, lay with me a couple minutes!”
The hardest part is that eventually the “couple minutes” has to end. There just aren’t enough minutes in the day. |
Author5th grade teacher, wife, mama to my 3 magical babies, ally, advocate, doggy foster mom... just stumbling on. Archives
March 2022
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