I wish I would have snuggled him a little longer in that swaddle. Stared at his little face while he wiggled his hands up toward it as if to say this thing can’t stop me!
I wish I would have made 10 more videos of the way he would stretch his arms out after I undid the Velcro. And the way he would purse his lips and move his head back and forth while stretching, before smiling at me every morning. I wish I would have really soaked it in, while he looked like a little worm all wrapped up tight, comforted, like when he was in my belly. I wish I would have sat in the rocker in his room a little while longer, watching his chest rise and fall and his pacifier twitch between his little lips. And watch his tiny fingers poke out of the bottom of the swaddle flaps. Because all of the sudden this stage is over and I. Don’t. Want. To. Forget. I held on to it as long as I could but tonight, he is sleeping with no swaddle. Like a big boy. I snuck into his room after he was asleep. I parted the darkening curtains just a little so some light could get in. I needed to take a picture of his first night without a swaddle. I don’t want to forget anything. And it all happened so fast.
2 Comments
Your writing brought the preciousness of each moment back. I began to worry in the middle of the piece that you were longing for the moments because the child was gone. (whew!)
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3/30/2018 06:54:21 pm
There are so many wishes I had when my kids were little. About a year ago, my son who is 12, stopped wanting me to tuck him in at night. He would say good night and off he would go without me. But every once in a while he asks me to lay with him and snuggle with him. I savor those moments. And right now, he is waiting for me to finish my comments because he wants to watch a movie and just have some mom and me time. Enjoy your little one. Life goes by fast.
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Author5th grade teacher, wife, mama to my 3 magical babies, ally, advocate, doggy foster mom... just stumbling on. Archives
March 2022
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